“I know what the greatest cure is: to give up our opinions, our judgements, to relinquish, to surrender, so that our little hearts may beat in unison with the great heart of the world.”
Henry Miller
March 2015 – How Do You Non-Judge?
This blog post is an extract from my newsletter is also available in PDF format on my website here
We live in a world where judgement and criticism seem to be core aspects of human behaviour that are deemed acceptable. We have TV shows where talent is judged and then often criticized and ridiculed when it doesn’t meet up to certain standards that are deemed to be value in terms of “entertaining”. People are consider “not good enough” when the reality is they are doing their best, and could be praised for that.
We also have newspapers and news stations which have freedom to broadcast supposed news-worthy opinions and judgements about celebrity individuals without having to check for the real truth first.
And we do more than simply tolerate these judgements because we watch the TV talent shows, we buy the newspapers and thus we support and fuel this culture of judgementalism.
Yet, when we are judged by other people, and considered “not good enough” in some way, it can hurt and we don’t like it when it happens to us. When kids at school call each other names, they used to claim that “…names will never hurt me…” but that really isn’t the case. For we know that words have energy and power, and when they are used against people in a derogatory manner, then they can cause damage. And when for not being “good enough”we are rejected by people who are in some position of power over us, it can be downright detrimental to our well-being.
I often meet clients who come for hypnosis weight loss sessions that have been judged and “branded” by their parents in their childhood as being ‘too fat’, ‘too stupid’, ‘too ugly’ or too something else. When they come we rarely work on weight; we work on the core self-esteem issue created by those words and the judgements, and when that is sorted out over a few sessions then the weight just falls off anyway.
Judgement is taught to us from the earliest part of our lives, and childhood is a potentially vulnerable time for some. False beliefs and the associated emotional baggage that goes with them can be taken in when the child simply doesn’t know any better, or doesn’t have any defences in place against ill-conceived criticism. And words and phrases like “good”, “bad”, “pretty”, “ugly” and “wrong” reinforce how we view and thus judge the world, so that when we look around us, we project those words onto others.
In the classic book “The Four Agreements”, one of the four principles that don Miguel Ruiz highlights to practice in order to create love and happiness in your life is to “Not Take Anything Personally”. And this is the skill to build of course.
He explains that nothing others do is because of you. What they say and do is a projection of their own reality. And when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
This is how it is with judgement of course. All judgement is self judgement really is a reality.
So, what’s the solutions? If we need to go deeper, then fortunately there are many that work in terms of personal self-development and therapy, such as Inner Child work, Regression Therapy, Counselling and much more.
However there are also really important basic steps to take when you seek to build your self-esteem and become immune to the judgements of others and yourself:
- Step1 – Stop judging others right away
You probably don’t know their whole story for starters, and as soon as you start moving to a place of non-judgement with others then there is usually a shift in how you perceive the world and your place in it, and thus your own self-esteem is positively affected. The more you can move yourself into a place of observation and neutrality the more you benefit!!
One of the greatest learnings I ever found in my life was a short phrase that says “people are what they are, and they do what they do” and I have tried to remember that whenever possible.
“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman
- Step 2 – Stop judging yourself
Often it comes hand in hand with the above step of not judging others, for when you judge others, then you are judging yourself too. However, sometimes you have to work at this aspect a little harder. How positive is your own self-talk? Do you blame yourself for events of the past or can you walk in the world with an inner grace that reflects into your outer reality. Scientists and medics will probably one day be able to quantify the damage that we do to ourselves with negative self-talk, but in the meantime we can only start to speculate on what harm “words of power” might be doing to the cells of our body and our energy fields.
These are not steps that you can necessarily change overnight, but start to observe yourself more closely and reflect (in a non-judgmental and non-critical way of course) how you could do or say things differently the next time.
And there are many other positive steps to unplug from the prison of judgement and self-judgement; just a couple of them are:
- Use Affirmations
If you feel you have a challenge in the area of being affected by the judgements of others, then work with affirmations to re-programme patterns in the subconscious mind may be a good way. A couple of good ones to start off with are:
* I am good enough
* I refrain from judgement, of others, of things, of situations, and of myself
Otherwise the work of Louise L. Hay is a wonderful source of knowledge for affirmations.
- Use Energy Protection
Words are energy (power-full at times) and when they are directed at you by others (even unconsciously) then they can get into your energy field. See/feel/know/sense yourself energetically protected at all times. Check the energy assistance section on the download page of my website for a free handout if you need more info on this.
- Self-Hypnosis
It is easy to learn (and I run regular workshops and webinars on this) and it’s a great way to combine the use affirmations in an especially powerful way.
Next month I will be producing a new mp3 on positive self-talk which will be available through this newsletter.
In the meantime
Love & blessings
xDougx
